Be Back Later

For those of you interested in continuing to read my blog and updates on my journey, I have started my own blog here http://whiteheadmarshall.blogspot.com I feel like Words of Whit started for Whitney and was our voice as a family during her hospitalization and then it was our voice when she passed away and the brutal reality as we lost our daughter and beloved sister. The pain and sadness is still very real and we are all very much in grief over her death, but each one of us has our own journey. What was once one voice has now evolved into many voices. I will post on Words of Whit as we feel led to share with you as we journey through this as a family. I welcome you to follow my blog at the above blogspot.

Be Back Later,
Whit's Sisters

Love and Thanks

Yesterday I filled my lap with over 200+ cards given to our family over the course of the last month. I hadn't made the time to read all of them yet and yesterday I did...

In the last month the pain and heartache have made it overwhelming to do anything, even shower, get the mail and tend to our houses. I know that depression and grief take over your body with a weight that is so heavy you feel like you are carrying bricks on your back, feet, legs and arms. Emotional loss takes a toll on you physically period.

My mom didn't know how she would write all the thank-yous to many people for contributing to Whitney's Medical Expenses account. We would like to take the time to thank everyone personally, but it is a task in itself to even speak to people and form words, let alone writing a heartfelt thanks to each one of you for your generosity. But eventually we will get there and we so appreciate the kindness shown to our family in this deep deep loss.

The common thread between every sympathy card we received was simply put..."there are no words for this deep loss, I am so sorry" Those are the most simple and well received words, because that is how we all feel.

Our family is in a time of healing and we are very thankful for the continued prayers for our family. We take one day at a time. Some days I choose to wear make-up and it stays on all day, no gut wrenching tears that day...then other days, it comes like a blow to the gut and we are sobbing for hours and I resemble Tammy Fay Baker!

We want all of you to know we are so grateful for your love, support, kind words and generosity shown to us. It is overwhelming to receive all of it. We thank you for the bottom of our hearts. Many Blessings to all of you.

With Love,
Whit's Sisters

Thinking of Heaven

1  Peter 1:3-5 (The Message)

A New Life

 ^3-5What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole.

 

Today as it marks a month since Whitney has been taken to be with Jesus, I fill my thoughts and energy in being reminded of her resting place. We all miss her and are still very much sad, heart brokenly sad, there isn't a day that goes by that we don't mourn. I find myself wanting and desiring to know all there is to know about her home now, I know and have heard many wonderful things about heaven and I know that is where I will go when I leave this earth, but Whitney's death has definitely made me crave that knowledge even more.

 

When our Dad died, it was different, we still miss him, we still wish he was here, but he had lived a life and in his life he had experienced many things. He had a wife, our mom for nearly 33 years and 4 kids and 4 grand kids at the time. We had time to tell him what we wanted to tell him, to live the last days to the fullest. Whitney was so young and we all had our own ideas as well as herself of what her future held. Those life goals have been changed, erased from our futures, that is a hard reality to let go of.

 

Her giggle is fading from my memory, I try so very hard to hear it, but it is so quiet. I still see her and her smile sitting on the couch, holding and feeding one of the twins. The image I carry is precious to me as well as this powerful memory. The day after my sister had passed in the early morning on April 4th between 6 am- 6:30 am, with a night of no rest, I closed my eyes. I saw the hospital room where Whitney had been for 24 days. The room was really empty, there wasn't any machines or doctors or nurses. Aadam my husband was sitting in the corner, his head was down, I assumed he was praying. To the back of me there was a nurse with long grey hair, she was wearing blue scrubs and going through some orders. I was standing with Whitney, she was on a chair, a hospital reclining chair in place of where her bed was...She was wearing a blue shirt, her favorite shirt and the favorite color of blue she loved. I was helping her put her grey hoodie sweatshirt on. These details are very important to me in sharing this experience with all of you. I had Whitney's hoodie in my hands and was helping her put her arm into the sleeve. I had said to her "Whitney you know where you are going, right?", Whitney looked away, I could see some tears and sadness in her eyes, but I could see it was because of my pain. She shook her head, I didn't really give her time to respond before I said " You are going to be with Jesus and Daddy!", She smiled and then we hugged, a big and long hug. Whitney said, "mmmm, you smell good" and then she reached out to bite me! (if you know Whitney well, you know she was goofy like that, I was so yummy smelling that she wanted to taste it) I looked at her and smiled, tears rolling down my face and I said " I love you Whitney" and then again, " I love you Whitney" and then my eyes opened. I thought about the vision and Whitney was gorgeous, she had beautifully done hair...flat ironed, her skin was flawless, as if she was wearing make-up, but wasn't. She was smaller in size and her face was glowing. This image, this interaction is very real to me, a gift from God. When Whitney left this earth I was standing at her bedside and these words were the words I used as she took her last breaths. God gave me a gift, I am so overjoyed to have that. I can look back at that and feel I had a final goodbye, until we see each other again moment. I called my mom that morning and told her every single detail and my mom said to me "That is what Whitney wore to the hospital when she came in!" I gasped, I hadn't seen Whitney as she was brought in or any of her belongings the entire time she was there. I ran out to my car, because everything we had accumulated at the hospital was still in there and I ripped open the bag and saw a grey hoodie and a blue shirt, the blue shirt I had seen her in. God gave me another gift and a message saying, yes it is for real! You weren't dreaming! I love Him for that!

 

I share this part of our journey, a intimate moment I had with my sister because it to me shows me how gracious and loving our God is. As I live in many moments with Christ and He walking right by my side, I feel like I have to share this with everyone. I want everyone to know God's love and the hope I have in Him. Whitney did die early to us, but she was right on time to Him. Whitney will forever be in our hearts and a treasured sister, daughter and friend. We miss her and we will continue to go about the lives God has planned for us. I will do what He asks of me and follow Him no matter what. Because more then anything I know our God is real, He is alive and in us...every day, every hour, every minute and every second.

 

I will still cry, because I don't know how not to, but one day the tears will be all about our reunion in heaven as opposed to our loss here on earth.

 

With eager hearts,

Whit' Sisters